The STAG DO

Hi,

For those who couldn’t make it or their gender prohibited it I though I'd spill the beans on what really happened on Steven's stag !

The plan was carting, paintball and then a few beers in town, safe you'd think ? . . . . . . WRONG (but don't worry no photos have been included to protect the guilty, well not many photos anyway.)

After having all his credit cards taken off him in a carefully crafted scheme by Imogen to slow his spending we all trapped of for the commencement of festivities, carting.

After everybody negotiated the daily maze that is Motor City and finding the air conditioned indoor carting was fully booked for a corporate event...damm I blame the guy who organized it.
Luckily they offered us the outdoor track instead, fears of the heat were quickly ignored we realized the quality of the massive custom built track.

After previous comments about me wearing boiler suits I thought it was only fair that Steven should have to wear one of the big orange pedofile suits, tastefully decorated, particularly fair given we would be playing paintball.

As we all got to dress in matching racing suits, except for Himself, it meant passing anybody was pot luck on who you were hitting, unless they were in bright orange. Still not sure who it was in the brown shoes, but sorry !

We will not mention how people placed, or not, with overall times (Jeremy) merely to say that Bob T did very well with his sticky throttle and Alan has a "unique" racing line which we think is designed to get extra kinetic energy from rebounding off the tire wall. We are still not sure if Steven's definition of Non contact is legal.

Then off to paintball, where the orange boiler suit became a top score, even if there was cheating and a cricket box was used.
Each game we were allocated 50 paintballs, strangely most people used at least 100 each ! as well as a good handful of grenades.

The orange worked well as at one point Steven was caught trying to sneak out. Thankfully he was caught by Wisam (a "team mate") and frog marched back to the slaughter at gun point.

The award for best wound goes as would be expected to Steven from Colin thanks to a well aimed shot, while he was standing over Steven at about 2 foot range. Second prize went to Mr Claridge for a shot to Steven's fore head while he was pined down my Colin. Both shots managed to draw blood !

After having survived the Carting and Paintball it was on to the main event!


opps, looks like no photos allowed !


Mr Claridge kindly hosted a tour of the higher class venues of Dubai, and be high class I don’t mean the Burj Al Arab.
Things started nicely in the Red Lion pub with a full English breakfast to line the belly and then Vodka Red Bull loaded on top, food for champions!

We then paid our 50 chips and wandered into the infamous Rattle Snake club.
What can I say ? . . . . The band was good, as for the camp singer in the tight white trousers, still not sure how "it" could actually sound like Tom Jones.

Sadly due to fear of the bouncers as well as a very masculine aroma the orange pedofile suit had been ditched, however, one of the other "customers" (of should that be staff as they are working ?) "gave" Steven a very fetching sailors hat, village people watch out !

After a swift pint it was on to the next venue, the Sea View. Again another top band, (seriously) however while we had safely hidden upstairs in the Rattle Snake there was no such place of refuge here.

There was a bevy of ladies who wanted to "be your friend", a very tall African lady took extra special interest in the groom and made several attempts to arouse him by twisting his nipples ! apparently it is an intimate gesture where she comes from, at least it is much safer than the ar5e grabbing that others tried.

After safely resisting the charms of the 6'2" african nipple tweaker it was time to move on again. After having started at the top and working downwards there was only on place possible, the infamous York.

After forming a scrum at the door and rushing the bouncers to avoid the door fee the technique was continued inside, a tight ruck formation was maintained in order to avoid being picked off and "rucked". Even more "friendly" than Sea view these ladies adopted the straight grope approach, can only say it was a good job Steven had kept his cricket box on !

Colin put his life on the line and fell asleep, however like a good soldier he kept his duty station and managed to sleep standing up. A remarkable feet and you can be sure he didn’t spill his beer. However does this mean that mean he slept with all the ladies in the York ?

Just to round the night off a quick stop to Ravi's for a salmonella curry and then off to bed. At least any after effects could be safely blamed on the curry !


On behalf of the groom thanks to all those that came.